behavior, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Wellness

Can and Can’t Control

What can we control and what can’t we control? Knowing this is as I have learned a very important life lesson. Let’s start with what we can control in life. Setting boundaries, even with friends and family, in terms of time, money etc…is up to us, no one can control our boundaries for us. Often guilt and wanting to keep peace, or be loved, liked etc…prevents us from setting any boundaries and that leads to resentment down the line. Boundaries that is in our control. How we react to others is also within our control, so I can choose to react with anger, be vengeful, a jerk, all things negative, or I can find a proactive positive way of dealing with it that ensures the scenario isn’t repeated, but I still keep my dignity and self control, my integrity. No one can control another person’s actions or reactions unless they let them. Time and energy, where we give that time and energy is up to us. We have heard of those who are awesome philanthropists etc…, yet barely had time for their own family. While it was noble to try and improve community etc.., the priority was perhaps misplaced and time, energy should have been more evenly divided to care for the family. Sometimes people have such a hard time saying no that they engage in so many board and committees that they neglect their own true interests. Deciding where and how we will dedicate our time is up to us. If others can’t respect that well that says more about them than the person who decides to be choosy where they put their time, energy, how it’s divided, invested, especially if one makes family and one’s wellness priority. What about how we treat others and forgiveness? Yeah, that to is a choice and for those who argue that they had lousy life experiences as an excuse, it’s not. You can choose to take negative baggage, release it and find a way to make something positive and good out of it, treat others with kindness, empathy because of that very reason or the opposite. up to each and every one of us what we choose.

What can’t we control? The weather for one, suddenly health issues that come up, so there are things we can’t control. What others say, do and their attitude is not within our control, not to say that we might not inadvertently trigger a person if we don’t know fully their background by comments we might make. In general we can’t control the words, actions, attitudes of others, though by example we can influence for better or worse. The feelings, beliefs of others again not within our control, but again we can sometimes influence for better or worse. Other people’s boundaries is not for us to determine and unless those boundaries are unhealthy or non existent and need to be created, each of us has the right to create boundaries we are comfortable with. The past and the future are also not really within our control, in the sense that the past is just that past. The future is somewhat predictable based on actions taken in the past, but even more so actions being taken in the present. However, things can change, shift, new elements enter the picture that change the plans regarding the future.

Key is to focus more on what we can control and how we can improve in those areas.


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