Personal Development, Wellness

Coping with Grief PII

Avoid substances. We might have a fight or flight type of response to losing someone or to tragedy. One way that may play out is turning to alcohol and other substances, even over eating, which really only serves to prolong pain and add new pain by self destruction. Instead of moving through the current situation, you end up creating another layer of difficulty and tragedy for yourself and those around you. Anything that numbs the pain, especially long term is destructive to one’s self and others. There are ways to move through situations of pain etc.., and those are the ones one should seek out, including meditation, maybe Tai Chi.

Plan ahead. Special occasions, holidays can be tough, especially the first year or two, so before the actual celebration happens, might be a good idea to do something small that is positive, such as a small dinner with a few friends a few weeks before. Leading up to it maybe go to one community event per week to ease into being in a celebratory type of situation. Important to remember that sitting at home depressed etc…does not honor anyone’s memory. When it is time for these celebrations think of it as you are going to celebrate for the both of you, for yourself and the memory of those who previously shared these special occasions.

Don’t isolate: When we are in pain we might want to isolate, avoid questions etc…, but that again does not really serve to honor the memory of those gone. I am not saying to out and party the next day, no. Sit outside, put headphones and listen to some beautiful music, even sit on your balcony if you have one. Do that for a while, then maybe go to a cafe, take your lap top, start going to prayer services, maybe during the week when there aren’t a lot of people. Then once you get comfortable with that go at a time when more people are present. If friends want to come over just let them know that you can’t handle too many questions, people right now, but individually or maybe two or three people, that you can handle. Be straight with them. Isolation is not healthy and if Covid taught us anything it was that.

I will discuss more about grief, grief regarding children processing it and other related topics on grief. Stay tuned.


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