Without Respect It’s An Oxymoron PII

Maintaining Confidentiality. Part of respect is knowing that if something of a delicate nature is shared or something that they are not yet ready to share it won’t end up being broadcast. Being able to trust what is told in confidence is important, especially to build a solid foundation. If someone confides something that needs to be shared with their family, if they have said anything about self harm, well then it really is a judgement call. If it is something that if it is not said to anyone lives could be in danger, that’s different, again it’s a judgement call on what the person with the information feels they need to do. In general if I confide something very delicate, intimate with someone I care about I don’t it go to any further. It’s a matter of respect.

Being Contemptuous. The smirk, the eye roll, things that show others that what I am saying or what I am doing is considered ugghhh, could even be a political point of view. Will everyone always agree different things, no. Even parents and children, siblings, spouses, best friends may not agree on every subject and very likely won’t agree on everything all the time. I can agree to disagree, we all can agree to disagree and that is fine, mature, healthy, but if a spouse is being treated like they are something less than, or their views are less than important, to be mocked, ignored etc… that’s not okay. It’s fine to say to someone that you disagree with their point or decision, but it is their right to have that point or make that decision. You may have one style of parenting, your friend another or they may have a different style of management at work or managing grief. Disagreeing is part of life, relationships, but how that is expressed is key and contempt is not the best way to deal with differences of opinion. Often a person may not know exactly how to express why they feel as they do and so prompting cues and questions can help clarity. Granted there may be some views such as those held by groups that propogate the notion of children being able to consent to sexual activity that many would and should I think find reprehensible. There may be times when certain things do make us feel contemptuous, including professional victims and whiners, people who always blame, never take responsibility. Even then, what in their psyche is messed up for them to even be that way? Empathy is still to an extent needed to deal with let’s say a narcissist, not sympathy, empathy.

Being Empathetic. To error is human, to forgive is divine goes the quote. Often we may especially in the beginning of a relationship or in a new job go in with rose colored glasses, even when hiring let’s say the “perfect” candidate. Then, reality sinks in that they are not perfect, that they have flaws, as well as virtues. No individual or group of individuals, or institutions because it is run by human beings is perfect. Yeah we need to cut people some slack. If there is recurring pattern of error, bad judgement etc…, then professional help might just be needed. If we hold any or everyone to standards of perfect perfection, then they will fail, and miserably. Balance wanting to have a person be their best self, and grow, learn and do better has to be balanced with empathy as they undertake the journey of life. If someone is unwilling to cut anyone any slack for any reason, they are perhaps shut down in terms of their heart, might be a perfectionist. It is important to understand where this might be coming from, so maybe they can be helped to be a bit more flexible.

Remember relationships are like plants, flowers need healthy care, nurturing, not poison added to the ground, to the soil.

Namaste