Tempers and Tantrums oh my!

Children are known to throw tantrums, very young children and even sometimes teens, so the occasional temper tantrum is not alarming and if there has been upheaval recently then it is understandable, or there are extenuating circumstances. Also young children don’t have the mechanisms yet to process or properly express some stuff. As I watch the tragedy that is The Sussex ex royal and spouse train wreck it made me think of this issue.

Putting aside any trauma caused by the marital situation at home etc…seems there were concerns early on. Allegedly, even as a five year old H would throw frightening tantrums, she feared leaving him alone with William, he struggled academically and as the got older would play nasty jokes on others, as he documented himself in his dubious autobiography. As regards events, and as the late Queen recollections may vary. This whole debacle brought me to thinking about kids, signs and what could be concerning.

If a very young child has tantrums here and there, not out of the ordinary and maybe look at what triggers them, is it during times when they are fed, being fed, what might be triggers you can spot? What if the child even at the age of six is throwing nasty, angry tantrums so frequently everyone is on egg shells? That’s not within the realm of normal not by any stretch of any imagination. Some kids have a great sense of humor and might hide toys, little things, but if the joked being played early on in a child’s life are cruel, nasty, vicious that is not okay. Parents, family members sometimes will not want to face the fact that their kid is either spoiled, a narcissist, or has something going on mental health wise, will either excuse it or ignore it hoping it just fixes itself. The problem with that is it doesn’t help anyone, especially not the person who needs extensive help.

One thing to do is help kids understand from a young age that feelings are not themselves bad, but how we handle them and show them by your own example how to control emotions and not be detrimentally controlled by them. Seek help to see if there are issues such as ADH or anything like that which could explain the disproportionate rage in a child. See if you can try holistic program that will help deal with all aspects of the issue, emotional, mental and physical. While doing that also have a calming corner with tools for them to work with to express it safely and without harming others or themselves. Teach them techniques, and use them yourself such as breath work, maybe going for a quick walk, even a brisk walk around a room in the house, one where there aren’t breakable things. Don’t immediately give in because that says to them that they can push our buttons anytime. Make sure that there are consequences, and that there is reflection for any damage done, not as punishment, but to create awareness that actions have reactions, consequences. Balance, key with anything in life is balance, that includes consequences. If the consequence is disproportionate to the action then that will only create more anger and fury. Working with vetted professionals when you are facing a child that has what it seems are constant meltdowns for even the slightest thing is important.

As with any behavior it’s not about the behavior itself sometimes, but rather it this a pattern because if it is then there is cause for concern. Not to say we obsessively look for problems with a child, but again if you are seeing patterns, negative ones then it’s important to acknowledge and address those early on.

My next two or three posts are going to be a bit lighter as we are entering the later part of Spring.

Namaste