Personal Development, Relationships

Divergence, When Paths Uncross

When we come together in any kind of relationship, even business there are usually shared goals, interests etc…, it’s the fuel that makes it run to some extent. When we come together when we are young it’s exhilarating to be connected with those who share your goals etc… However, that does not necessarily sustain itself and that is when we have divergence.

Divergence can come from each person as they grow as an individual finding themselves taking a different path, or life circumstances can shift for one and thus they have lost that common ground with the other/s. If for example you both graduate High School, but one goes on to college, graduate school etc..and the other goes to trade school, well diverging paths and sometimes that can mean divergence in the relationship. What kinds of divergence can occur that you might need to pay attention to? Communication is one. If the person suddenly becomes very non communicative, while the other is sharing to the 10th degree that is divergence and you should be aware of that dynamic. You should really try to engage in two way communication that is respectful of boundaries, but also allows each of you to feel you are being open in the relationship. Financial divergence is another, so that if one suddenly has a major change in finances and spending habits that could create divergence in the relationship, so getting on a similar page about finances is important, even in business relationships. Socializing is another area where you may end up with divergence so that if one person decides they really are not into the socializing and part scene, while the other person, or that company culture is into that. Divergence can come in many forms and sometimes you don’t even realize your paths have diverged until way down the line when you find yourself facing a stranger either because they changed, or you changed, you both changed, even circumstances changed thus affecting the dynamic of your relationship.

We are not meant to be stagnant in life, but we also are not meant to be disposable to each other, so where does that leave us when it comes to divergence? Well, it leaves us with needing to be aware of what is happening in our relationships, not take them for granted, rather checking in with each other regularly to see if divergence is happening and new common paths can be forged. It’s easy to fall into divergence in our relationships, even in terms of parents and kids, but it doesn’t have to happen. We need to develop, grow etc.., but if a relationship matters we also need to nurture it so we can continue to find common ground to also grow together.


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