Toddlers, the Beginning of No

We have heard the expression “the terrible twos” Why is that? Why are toddlers somewhat rebellious, especially the minute they learn to voice that two letter word NO?

As toddlers they are realizing a sense of independence, finding a voice, where as before they mainly had crying as their way of communicating. They can start to assert themselves, what they like and don’t like. They can start testing adults in different ways, which can be frustrating, especially when they do that thing of covering their ears and saying “no” over and over. The adult gets frustrated so raises their voice, and in turn the toddler does the same and you end up with a screaming match. Sound familiar to anyone? Some toddlers have a more easy going personality by nature, so you don’t get as much push back. Other toddlers, boy do they assert that spark of independence. Remember that they are frustrated because they feel they are independent, yet they really aren’t. That contradiction can be quite frustrating.

How do you deal with a child who is in that toddler that is yelling at you, being rebellious? One thing is to first sooth yourself and the child using calming music for example. Getting the toddler to a place where there can be conversation and questions, rephrasing of questions is a good step forward. Let them know what is and is not acceptable by pointing out that it is okay to be mad about something, but not to use words that hurt or can you please say it without using words that hurt. If you want me to understand you, you have to lower your voice, or let’s take a break and talk about it later, then maybe put some soothing music on, or go do an activity in the next room. Tell them you are going to go listen to some calming music and will come back when they are ready to stop yelling, go do an activity in the next room. Let them know you understand why they are mad, but it is not okay to talk to others this way, particularly not your parents. Are you mad because of A or B? What are you really mad about?

It is also a good idea to engage in calming arts and music activities, brief meditation even so from a young age, teaching them about right tone of voice also. It’s important to engage in different activities with them, particularly as it will help you see what their interests are and also what their communication style is. Do they like to be active in regards to an activity right way, or initially observe then jump in? Do they prefer to work one on one or in a smaller group? It will also help you to see what might be any triggers for them in terms of what gets them riled up.

Will toddlers test one’s patience and resist being told what to do? Yes, it doesn’t have to become a mutual melt down session. Even using soft music when babies get fussy, and using a soothing voice to speak to them can be a learning lesson. Starting to speak to them in a soft, loving yet firm voice in the womb is good for them, as well as reading inspiring works to them while in the womb. Meditating with the baby while it is in the womb to bring them to a place of peace, but also standing firmly and rooted in truth can be a valuable part of parenting. Don’t give up, or constantly give in, that helps no one.